Ulf had a traumatic experience when the dentist put squishy blue stuff in his mouth for a mold for his dental partial. After a few minutes Ulf tried to take it out of his mouth and get out of the chair. He was upset by his experience and embarrassed by his reaction, so he even called the office later to apologize.
We stopped by a store before our second dental appointment to pick up the partial. When we walked in, there was a bin of stuffed animals and one in particular caught Ulf’s eye. He picked it up and said, “I really want this”. It was a little brown bear wearing a sweat shirt with the word LOVE on the front. Later, Ulf carried ‘Teddy’ into the dental office and greeted the dentist with a smile, and said “I brought this to tell you about love. Love is something you have to share”. Naturally he and others watching were touched. A Course in Miracles (acim.org) says, “Teach only love for that is what you are”.
Teddy has become Ulf’s new best friend. He loves touching his forehead and feeling the softness of his fur. He then began asking about love. I said when we open our hearts to God’s love, it flows through us to everyone and everything, maybe even Teddy. Well that got his attention, so from that moment on, his relationship to Teddy took on new meaning. There followed gentle and soft ‘conversations’ as he held Teddy on his knees.
Ulf talking with Teddy
This all may seem very silly and childish. However, Ulf knows Teddy is a toy and yet uses it as a symbol of a concept he doesn’t fully comprehend. None of us do. Truthfully, I get confused with what Ulf is experiencing compared to child-like behavior. It’s not as if he sees the world as a young child. I’ve often observed him expressing himself in a spontaneous and uncomplicated way, yet with an awareness of what he is doing. There’s a an element of innocence in his desire to express an energy he calls love.
One day we were walking along the path around a lake where we go, not primarily for exercise but for Ulf to have the opportunity to greet people. A couple in their mid 30′s were walking past us when Ulf said, “you look very good together”. They stopped and Ulf continued with, “It is important you pay more attention to what she is saying”. They both began to laugh. She said this was their 3rd date and that was exactly what they were discussing. He then told the man to smile more often so she knows he cares. They walked away smiling and in wonder at this stranger who knew so much about them.
Another day Ulf said let’s go to that happy place where we have so much fun. I asked, “the lake”? No, it’s where we go and buy things to eat. Somewhat surprised, I said, “Safeway”? He said “yes, that’s the place!” He is able to speak to at least 15 people on every visit, such as the older lady he saw looking a little downcast, pushing her cart along. Ulf stopped in front of her and said, “My, that color looks so good on you”. She sparked up, smiled and said “thank you so much”. He then said “you have a lovely smile”. As we walked away Ulf said, “See, I did it again. Made someone smile and be happy.” If he sees someone physically struggling, he’ll say, “I hope you are better soon”, and he gets a surprised ‘thank you’. Some of these people are invisible to most of us. He’s conscious of what he is doing but it is done with such an open heart that no one notices or cares that he is himself, ‘challenged’. As we drive away he always says, “I feel so good and this energy just flows out of me.”
Having worked with many children over the years, I’ve come to believe we lose touch with our ‘Innocence’ very early in life. In fact adapting to this reality requires going to sleep and forgetting about that Innocence for the survival of our separate and special identity. Perhaps our interpretation of Innocence in very young children has to do with witnessing Spirit before it is contaminated by fear. The Course equates Innocence with the absence of fear and the strength of defenselessness. Awakening to the awareness of Innocence is our goal and letting go the symbols of love we have used as substitutes, lights our path. In the meantime, we have our ‘Teddy’.
Pardon me for thinking out loud, but maybe that’s my dilemma in framing this experience. What if Ulf is going through a decontamination process in which glimpses of that original joining with Innocence in Spirit is occurring! We might even call it glimpses into Love, which by it’s very nature, is then shared. Soon it will be Valentine’s Day, one day designated for ‘love’. Maybe we could be inspired to extend that Innocence within ourselves and touch others with that Love every day!
Copyright 2010 Beverly Hamilton
Tags: A Course in Miracles, Adult Senility, Dementia, Holidays, Love
February 9, 2010 at 3:27 am |
Bev, please don’t apologise for thinking out loud – it’s wonderful. I love the way in many ways Ulf is like a ‘mirror of our soul – our True Selves’. Not wishing to underplay the stress of caring constantly for someone who sees things so completely differently and the challenges that presents, but in some way his challenging of perceptions seems to me to be such a gift – and that is only made possible by your and willingness to learn with him. It’s awesome!
As you say, from the perspective of A Course in Miracles we are all One, but our experience in this world is of separation and differences in every aspect of life – and in every aspect of every aspect of life! In terms of our Innocence, when we ‘perceive’ Innocence/Love, it is a reflection of the Love/Innocence in ourselves. The Innocence/Love is not ‘Ulf’s’ – or children’s – they are not ‘more innocent’ than others – although I agree our experience would suggest otherwise. The Innocence, like the Love – is universal – it is never not available – it’s just that we build barriers which block this Love/Light/Innocence. Perhaps because some of the barriers that people ‘normally’ perceive have disappeared to a certain extent in Ulf – and whilst that is rightly attributed to his ‘condition’ – perhaps on another level it has ‘allowed’ his Innocence to shine – like you say, it’s like a de-contamination process!
I would suggest that the Love that Ulf feels for Teddy is no different from any other Love – because there is only Love – and it may appear to some that Ulf is in love with a lifeless toy, when in Reality he sees the reflection of God’s Love in that teddy – because that is all there is.
February 11, 2010 at 10:45 am |
Bev, I was reading the Preface to ACIM yesterday and when I read these words: ‘It seemed to be a special assignment I had somehow, somewhere agreed to complete. It represented a truly collaborative venture between Bill and myself, and much of its significance, I am sure, lies in that.’ I thought of you and Ulf – and wondered if the ‘significance’ of this blog – and anyone who is part of your lives – is to allow them to ‘gain insight’ into the ‘Innocence’ that we associate with young children. I agree that we lose touch with our Innocence and we see it ‘reflected’ in young children etc. I don’t believe that we ever ‘lose’ it – that’s not possible – we ARE it!!! However, we write some scripts that contain children/babies/old people/vulnerable people/pets etc who ‘appear’ to contain ‘more Innocence’ than we do. – they don’t. It’s only ever in us – they ARE us and the purpose for their coming into our lives in that ‘form’ was to allow us to ‘perceive’ the Innocence that we are unable to see in ourselves.
Fascinating blog!
February 11, 2010 at 2:35 pm |
What an inspiration!
February 11, 2010 at 6:45 pm |
Thank you for writing about Dad’s experiences like this! It is wonderful to hear how well both of you are doing. It constantly amazes me how Dad is growing in such amazing ways. It seems that as his spiritual side is becoming more and more attuned to the world. I wish I was nearby to see him more often.
Your voice in this blog is fabulous. Please keep it up. Love, Eric