Love Speaks

Several weeks in August were defined primarily by  feeling disconnected from my spirit.  It was a time in which my ego smugly reminded me I am a body and provided proof with little infections, antibiotics, and threats of yucky procedures. It also included questioning whether I could have done something different to change the outcome with Ulf.   Like I’ve done with all the emotions that have surfaced as a result of the loss of Ulf’s loving presence, I just flowed with it even though it was very disquieting and uncomfortable.  This too shall pass, and it did.

We all have experienced loss through out our lives whether it be a loved one,  body or brain function or non-physical things such as lost hope or  unfulfilled dreams.  Any thought of loss confirms our sense of being incomplete.  It’s  an inevitable part of the uncertainly and impermanence of this reality.  To the extent we recognize change as the creative process allowing for growth, we can avoid the pain and suffering that comes from the fear and resistance to what is.  We can not control what is occurring at any moment in our life but we can chose how we perceive and respond to it.   The awareness of this ability can change our experience to one of love and peace instead of fear and loss.  Love says we are complete and whole.  That philosophy was  the core of my journey with Ulf.

I’m reminded how much Ulf taught me about being in the present moment.  As I peel away the contracted layers of my ego’s protective system, I am again becoming aware of the energy that flows through my body facilitating a more expansive and loving experience in which there is no loss.

Ulf & Bev

In a strange and compelling way, this past year, that anyone would call the most challenging, has also been one of unparalleled intimacy for Ulf and I.  The quiet acceptance of ‘what is’ strips away the external noise of the ‘what if’s’.  In the nakedness of that realization, our soul is revealed to us in the most simple ways.  Ulf was able to express aspects of himself he had never felt comfortable doing before.  This new found expression was exhilarating for him. He sought ways of experiencing this within the context of his limited abilities because as he said so often, he had to share this energy with others so it would grow larger.

It never occurred to me to tape Ulf talking about his view of life from this new perspective that I was writing about in this blog, which he was unaware I was doing.  My friend Judy Whitson  send me a computer recorder  for just such a purpose.  It had lots of little buttons and since my brain wasn’t functioning at the tech level, the few attempts at doing this I thought were erased or had no value, so I put it away.  That is until last month when a ‘voice’ in my head told me to find it and plug it into the computer, which I skeptically did.  To my great surprise, I discovered about 40 minutes of hearing Ulf’s lovely voice expressing feelings directly from the heart.  The catalyst for some of these discussions was a book a friend had written and sent to us.  She wrote of the same concepts that were shared in A Course in Miracles, Unity Daily Word, Eckhart Tolle, the Peace book and others, that resonated with Ulf.  He had no interest in the little device, so didn’t know he was being recorded.

Little did I know recording Ulf’s voice would be impossible in a little over 3 months when he developed a lethal infection during a brief hospital stay.  Given his mentally contracting world, this swift transition was probably his own guided choice.

By the way,  I was approached by someone in publishing who thinks this blog should be a book!  I signed with an agent  and with the assistance of an editor, Doris Lora, the book proposal has been completed and sent to New York.  Who knows what’s next!  If it’s accepted,  I made a request for a CD of Ulf’s recordings to be included with the book.

I want to share one of the shorter segments so you can hear Ulf speak:

Click Here to Listen –> When Love Speaks

Copyright 2010 Beverly Hamilton

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Tags: A Course in Miracles, Adult Senility, Dementia, Eckhart Tolle, Love